Getting ahead (or two) in dating
She said she was an asshole. I thought, “Ha! You’re playing in the big leagues now, sweetie. I’m the real-deal asshole with all kinds of experience.”
I knew she wanted me. The way strikingly beautiful young girls in taverns always do. She playfully punched my arm, rubbed my shoulder, argued ineffectively with me, etc. The clincher was when her boyfriend of a year showed up and she became very defensive towards him like she was covering something up. It was obvious. I must admit, I was smitten.
Two days later, she dumped her boyfriend and contacted a mutual friend to meet me for drinks. I was flattered, but my housing and work troubles kept me unavailable at the time. Still, she lingered in my head.
It was getting close to the end of the year and while by no means were things going any better in my life, I remembered her telling me about the children’s shoe counter where she works. So I stopped in and left of a note. It was a ridiculous tale about me needing shoes for my newly purchased African orphan child & included an email address to reach me. It was supposed to be charming & funny. Unfortunately, this was to set a precedent where we never spoke about anything real. Or if we did, it made her squirm uncomfortably. Anyways, she emailed me back the next day.
We had immediate chemistry. We were inseparable. We laughed. We played at the park. We stayed in. We cooked. We drank tea. We smoked marijuana. We watched films. She told her friends all about me. She brought me food. She gave me mini-massages. She was very affectionate. She was my escape from everything else. The pink elephants were always in the room, but we never discussed them so as not to ruin the fun of the relationship. It was really nice.
We wanted to have sex, but thought it wise to wait. She offered fellatio like it was just part of making out. I would think sucking my dick would have been more intimate than intercourse. I suspect I've probably fucked at least twenty times the number of women I've given or recieved head from. I guess to her, it was no big deal.
At the beginning of March, I asked her what she wanted from me. She said nothing. Then she said she loved me. Kickass. This is where I should have run to the Broadway bridge & jumped to a blissful death. End of story. She loved me. I hadn't heard those words in so long. But this admission did something to her. I had started to let her in and she began to hedge her feelings. Fuck.
That’s when her lying started. First, it was insignificant, like what she thought about a picture I gave her. Then eventually, it was about everything. I don’t think she consciously realized it, either. Some of the words she said I'm sure she thought weren’t lies. More than likely, she didn’t even intend to be deceitful. But she couldn’t tell the truth. When a woman constantly lies to you, it is very confusing.
Right away, I wanted to end it. I wrote a real sweet and gentle break-up email. I never sent it. I still have it. Instead, I truthfully told her that the timing is really bad for me because of my career. I told her I was in it for the long haul and didn't want to sacrifice a promising future for gratification in the present. Sounds pretty good, huh? She said I was being ridiculous and that she wanted to be with me.
I tolerated it, because, c’mon, what else did I have to do? At the time, my closest friends were getting married or moving away or otherwise preoccupied. I was staying away from my vices like whiskey & women.
Our communications became further and further apart and with less meaning. I knew it was our last kiss was as it happened. She still wasn't willing to admit her feelings for me had changed. Finally, I couldn’t keep it all in anymore and had to talk this over with her. Uh-oh, a conversation about something real. Gee, is that what grown-ups do? Ugh.
Suffice to say, St Patrick’s Day was our break-up. Last we spoke, she said she was mad at me, wanted to be mad at me and didn’t want to resolve it. Her father bought her a ticket to go to Europe to visit her girlfriend for a month. She left today. Terrific for her.
Last night, I went to a pub, got stinking drunk, got laid and got a fucking blow-job. All from a girl uglier and dumber than her.
See? i’m an asshole.
Kevin Ingleigh, 30, United States
